Depart, Rilke

Mon amie, il faut que je parte.
Voulez-vous voir
l'endroit sur la carte?
C'est un point noir.

En moi, si la chose
bien me reussit,
ce sera un point rose
dans un vert pays.

____

Recently I've been craving vast, green space - just a few acres and a small 500 sq ft cube house. A small contemporary home with 3/4 length of brick exterior, where the bricks are painted white with an imposed slightly corroded effect so the rusted red bricks with its burnt cracks reaching through - the other 1/4 of the home is made of glass. Inside are walls, painted red, lined with cobalt blue shelves of books and in the middle are two elongated couches facing each other with a small bench coffee table in the middle for cups of teas and french presses to rest on.

I would go there for the weekend and live on the couch thinking about how I should trim the overgrown lawn and space, pretending it was an english garden and I should let it fill.

They Ask Me Why I Teach," Glennice L. Harmon

They ask me why I teach,
And I reply,
Where could I find more splendid company?
There sits a statesman,
Strong, unbiased, wise,
Another later Webster,
Silver-tongued,
And there a doctor
Whose quick, steady hand
Can mend a bone,
Or stem the lifeblood's flow.
A builder sits beside him-
Upward rise
The arches of a church he builds, wherein
That minister will speak the word of God,
And lead a stumbling soul to toach the Christ.


And all about
A lesser gathering
Of farmer, merchants, teachers,
Laborers, men
Who work and vote and build
And plan and pray
Into a great tomorrow
And I say,
"I may not see the church,
Or hear the word,
Or eat the food their hands will grow."
And yet- I may.
And later I may say,
"I knew the lad,
And he was strong,
Or weak, or kind, or proud,
Or bold, or gay.
I knew him once,
But then he was a boy."
They ask me why I teach, and I reply,
"Where could I find more splendid company?"

"They Ask Me Why I Teach," by Glennice L. Harmon, in NEA Journal 37, no. 1 (September 1948): 375

Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability

“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” - Brené Brown

Susan Cain: The power of introverts

Three calls to action:
1. Stop the madness for constant group work.
2. Go to the wilderness - be like Buddah, have your own revelations.
3. Understand the content of your suitcase, understand why you put it there and share it.

"I prefer listening to talking, reading to socializing … I like to think before I speak (softly)." - Susan Cain

____________

If you haven't heard of ted.com, definitely explore it. It's a platform where lectures are collected and shared - its mantra is "ideas worth spreading". I often have lectures playing as I work or as I draw, clean, or anything that leaves time for my ears take in whatever insightful knowledge specialists are willing to share. Most of these lectures have great personalities so it makes the lecture very easy to listen to.

This lecture was dear to me as I'm a self-prescribed introvert. I prefer intimate settings and privacy over overwhelming social scenes where my senses are numbed and where my stomach is left a little unsettled. Granted, if need be, I'd like to believe I'm capable of being a proper social citizen. However, there has been times when I shut down, this occurs mainly when the company shows itself to be shallow, relative to my perception of course.

I would like to say I've adopted this from my father as he's an introvert and never enjoyed social settings - my mother was the opposite. When I was little, my mother would want to give me birthday parties and my dad would lock himself in the room. I've never questioned or explored what caused him to be an introvert but I think my issues are a little, if not a lot, less dependent than the adoption of introversion through seeing my father's behavior manifesting through his action, or lack of.

For me, there are several reasons for my introversion -introversion is a good defense mechanism, introversion allows for my thought to develop without static influences, and introversion as a default because i do not know of extroversion organically.

Introversion as a reason to allow my thought to be develop is discussed by Susan so I don't have to go into details.

Growing up without a good command of the english language and without the best of the Jone's material possessions, I've learned that there's little room for me to foster confidence from the ignorant comments or judgement that's passed on to me from my peers or those with titles whereby I'm led to believe defines me (teachers, family members, employers, etc). Granted, during the last few years this is different, however, nuture (vs nature) has conditioned me to be insecure and has led me to see that introversion helps provide a shelter where my insecurities are left alone.

I want to hold the hand inside you

Another year. 25.

It might be the 1:50am talking or the conversation I've just had with a friend, but boy does each passing day makes me feel anxious to sooner discover what I would want my life to be. As much as I try to be mindful of the aphorism that don't think about life so much that I forget living it - I can't help it.

I think I'm successful in living. Not sure what to compare myself to but I've taken risk - some good, some bad. But ultimately, I have stories and learned lessons.

Perhaps it's also the short stories in Noctures by Kazuo Ishiguro that's the catalyst to my need for writing tonight as well but whatever it may be, hopefully in my writing this, it'll help at least resolve a what little anxiety I have, which has been increasing in frequency lately.

Recently I've struggle with work life balance. It's always been the case but it's been on my mind a little more lately. There's so much to talk about and ironically writing should help organize some of my thoughts but i just want to be able to discuss all that's on my mind simultaneously. Unfortunately, I won't be able to do this.

As I'm writing this, I struggle to continue. The thought to write all I feel seems cumbersome - perhaps this is an excuse.

Maybe bullet points will help.

Sea City

In Seattle this week. Excited to meet my coworkers out of this city and get to play some.

PS. Tired. 422am eastern time. Have to wake up 6am pacific time. I don't even know.

Untitled, Twombly,1988

Untitled, Twombly,1988

“… and in the ponds broken off from the sky, my feeling sinks as if standing on fishes” - Rilke


Recently, I've rediscovered Twombly and I've come to appreciate him even more. Above is Twombly incorporating Rilke (!) into his art. Reading this cemented my admiration for him.

He's received various criticism for his works; many exclaiming their child can construct better art work or similar. Most know him for the chalkboard cursive scribble (below), Cold Stream (1966). But as a critic once stated, Twombly is in the same coterie as rothko or pollock, where the restraint and ideas that are infused are what makes their work great, pushing boundaries and redefining, or rather adding to, what art could be and how it could be re/presented.

The first piece with Rilke's scripture is an example of Twombly's (great) method. Twombly included words into the lexicon of what art imagery can be. His control of its size, color, and placement indicate that words could also share the same essence as those of shapes and familiar subjects.

I hesitate to share what my thoughts are on this 1966 Untitled piece (other than I like it), since each viewer should have their own intimate conclusion with the piece; but do pay attention to the placement of the word, the size, the color, etc.